Wedding jitters

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Between cake tastings and picking out the perfect shade of table linens I have noticed myself getting the wedding jitters. It’s time for some self care before I spin out of control!

Tomorrow I will take the day off to just smell the roses and inhale the fresh air…Self care may sound frivolous but I think it is absolutely necessary to be a healthy and balanced human being in this hectic world.

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What do you need to do for yourself to feel good today?

In wedding land

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My total lack of updates is due to being in wedding land for the past month…lots of exciting things to decide and plan!

I just got my wedding dress and I am so excited! Wish I could show you a picture but of course I have to keep it a secret for another two months ❤️

Deep tissue massage

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Yesterday I had a two hour deep tissue massage. The massage therapist worked a lot on my jaw and it was really intense and not exactly relaxing. For the first time since surgery I actually feel like I can move and open the right side of my jaw fully. However, since the left side (my “good” side) is still locked, it limits the right side.

I think I will make this a regular treatment until my jaw gets better. Pain comes and goes but the past few weeks have been pretty good.

Sleepwalking Part II – Are you willing to do the work?

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Are you willing to do the work? The vast majority of people spend their time sleepwalking, avoiding dealing with their issues, baggage and demons. It takes a lot of gut to face the darkness within, but without making peace with it you will never really live fully. Your relationships suffer, most importantly the relationship with yourself.

You have to forgive to be able to move on. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and also forgive others who have wronged you, including parents, family members, friends, teachers and colleagues. That doesn’t mean you have to love them or have them in your life. Some people are certainly better kept at a distance.

My sleepwalking consisted largely of shopping/window shopping. It was my escape from reality. When I was frustrated (which I was a lot), I wrote lists of things that I needed, and either went shopping or window shopping. I would buy things and it would calm my frustrations and anxieties for a few hours or days, giving me temporary relief in the form of shoppers high. Then it would fade away and often I would take the item back, and exchange it for something else that I thought would make me happier. And so it went. I wasted a lot of precious time doing this, and it kept me busy from dealing with the real issues within.

In my late twenties I took a personal development course that completely transformed my outlook on life. It was incredibly intense and forced me to take an honest look at my life, my view and interpretation of my life and the world around, and the beliefs that were holding me back. After this, nothing was the same. My eyes had been opened wide and there was no going back. Among other things, I realized that I was living someone else’s idea of an ideal life. A period filled with frustration ensued – I was now aware of my self deception and knew I had a lot of work to do, but I was scared to do it. After all, sleepwalking was pretty comfortable, yet terribly unfulfilling in the grand scheme.

Life is a work in progress but I am so happy that I began the journey. It is incredibly interesting yet very scary at times. Growth and change is by it’s nature scary, but to me there is no alternative. I refuse to live a life that I don’t love. Witnessing my own personal growth and the positive impact it has had on my relationships is incredibly fulfilling.

I encourage YOU to take charge of your life. Question yourself, question whether you are being stopped by anger, blaming others for your life situation. Question whether you are living the life you want to live. Do you often wish you lived someone else’s life? What beliefs do you have about yourself that makes you think you cannot have the life you dream of? Your beliefs are not necessarily the truth.

It is not a day too early and it is not a day too late. A year from now you would have wished you started today. The quality of your time left on earth is more important than the quantity of time.

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(This incredibly beautiful picture is made by my talented mother Eta…see more of her work here)

Sleepwalking due to emotional pain? Part I

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After spending time with someone close to me I’ve come to think about how incredibly common it is to avoid dealing with emotional pain. I think we all carry some emotional pain in our hearts, it’s an inevitable side effect of growing up and being alive. Maybe we didn’t feel loved and safe as children or have not forgiven someone who hurt us. Most of us have encountered these feelings while growing up. The scary part is that so many people never make peace with it!

People use all sorts of escape mechanisms, which often turn into addictions to dull the emotional pain. They range from TV, Internet, work and reading to potentially harmful escapes such as overeating, alcohol, drugs and sex. It is easier to escape into another world to channel your anxiety than to deal with your emotional pain. Addictions are escapes.

Dealing with your pain means that you have to face it and actually feel it, rather than just know that it is there somewhere in the background, unaddressed. It is incredibly scary and often trigger you to deal with other things in your life, forcing you to grow. Are you ready to even face the pain that you have been wasting much of your life and closeness in relationships because of having been too afraid to deal with your emotions, anger, disappointments and resentments?

This escapism turn a lot of people into sleepwalkers. They wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV or surf the Internet, go to sleep and repeat all over, for a lifetime. I think a great majority of people live their lives in this manner.

It is heartbreakingly sad that so many people waste their precious time and relationships because they are afraid to make peace with their pain, discover who they really want to be rather than living according to someone else’s ideals, and to live fulfilled.

Being fulfilled and living authentically is the best thing you can do for yourself and for the world, because only then can you fully share your unique talents for the greater good of society.

Owe you an update

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Sorry for the silence on the blog lately. I’ve been spending a lot of time with family. I have also had a lot of jaw pain in the past month. At least this time around I am more accepting and gentle on myself, giving myself a break from my expectations while I try to feel better. It feels a bit repetitive to speak about the pain yet another time, but I feel like I need to be open with you. After all this is a blog about jaw surgery.

On a more cheerful note, I found some really cool old family pictures in a box my mother inherited from her grandparents…

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This is my great grandfather Henry. It is such a funny picture because he is posing with a basket with a cut out picture of a cat while pretending to smoke a pipe and reading the phone book (?).

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This is my great grandmother Signe. I love how people dressed up back in the day…and of course I’m a huge fan of hats!

Foodie weekend

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Had a great, relaxing weekend with lots of quality time with Nelson. We had a wonderful Sunday lunch at Cipriani, and the food was outstanding.

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Utterly tired this morning but eventually managed to get quite a few things done. We all have crappy days now and then and today I practiced acceptance of that fact…